Triumph

Today I shed a tear for the man who builds medal podiums but never gets to stand on them.

Creed

The ultimate paradox would be a book cover with the title "Don't Judge a Book by it's Cover" or a copy of the novel "Catch 22" with no cover.

Clout

To impress a bystander, I will yell something important into my phone, like: "Mr. Prime Minister, let's settle this as our fathers did, in a game of marbles!"

Villainy

If I were a evil boss in a video game, I would tell my henchmen to focus on clearing the area of health bonuses before even thinking of attacking the good guy. There's only one of him.

Accessory

I have an idea for a watch that goes around the head and comes with a pocket mirror to read it.

Royalty

I wish society mirrored a game of checkers, and the guy walking around with another guy on his shoulders was considered king.

Performance

I bet freak show auditions are the real freak shows.

Consequence

I'm naming my kid Blooper in hopes of making him a very self-conscious perfectionist.

Exploit

My ideal self would be a ruggedly handsome orthodontist who never addresses the rumors that he got that scar giving braces to a bear.

Patrol

Cop cars should have white noise sirens so they don't annoy people as much and maybe lull fleeing criminals into a comfortable slumber.

Recess

You almost have to hand it to the kid who wears a tie and a hard hat to the beach and knocks down your kid's sand castles to make way for sand condominiums, strip malls, and parking lots.

Display

If nature had only been more considerate, the ultimate rock n roll concert would be a band performing on top of a living Brontosaurus. Then, during the finale, a Tyrannosaurus eats the stage.

Option

When faced with a decision between a hook or a prosthetic hand with darts for fingers, the one-handed guy at the insane asylum cannot go wrong.

Paradise

Someday may we find ourselves where the roads are paved with gold and the unpaved roads are evenly covered with compost consisting primarily of wet cash.

Portrait

When I am CEO of a thing, you will never see me without a business suit and a sippy cup.

Urbanity

You have to respect someone with a black light tattoo who totally does not overplay it, but waits months, maybe years until you find yourselves naturally under the revealing rays.

Procedure

You have to eat an ice sandwich quick; otherwise, you just have two soggy pieces of bread.

Grift

We would all be surprised to learn that a prestigious surgeon was taking little stuff out of his patients during operations and selling it on the fish bait black market.

Transgression

After cutting your brakes, an overexcited villain cuts your accelerator, your window controls, your radio dial, and your locks, creating a deathtrap barreling away at upwards of five miles per hour, while uncontrollably blaring adult contemporary hits. Are you brave enough to escape through the sunroof or steer the car into some sort of wall or pole?

Combat

The worst way for two unarmed guys to begin a fight with a man holding a harpoon gun is charging in a single file line.