Triumph

Today I shed a tear for the man who builds medal podiums but never gets to stand on them.

Creed

The ultimate paradox would be a book cover with the title "Don't Judge a Book by it's Cover" or a copy of the novel "Catch 22" with no cover.

Clout

To impress a bystander, I will yell something important into my phone, like: "Mr. Prime Minister, let's settle this as our fathers did, in a game of marbles!"

Villainy

If I were a evil boss in a video game, I would tell my henchmen to focus on clearing the area of health bonuses before even thinking of attacking the good guy. There's only one of him.

Accessory

I have an idea for a watch that goes around the head and comes with a pocket mirror to read it.

Royalty

I wish society mirrored a game of checkers, and the guy walking around with another guy on his shoulders was considered king.

Performance

I bet freak show auditions are the real freak shows.

Consequence

I'm naming my kid Blooper in hopes of making him a very self-conscious perfectionist.

Exploit

My ideal self would be a ruggedly handsome orthodontist who never addresses the rumors that he got that scar giving braces to a bear.

Patrol

Cop cars should have white noise sirens so they don't annoy people as much and maybe lull fleeing criminals into a comfortable slumber.

Recess

You almost have to hand it to the kid who wears a tie and a hard hat to the beach and knocks down your kid's sand castles to make way for sand condominiums, strip malls, and parking lots.

Display

If nature had only been more considerate, the ultimate rock n roll concert would be a band performing on top of a living Brontosaurus. Then, during the finale, a Tyrannosaurus eats the stage.

Option

When faced with a decision between a hook or a prosthetic hand with darts for fingers, the one-handed guy at the insane asylum cannot go wrong.

Paradise

Someday may we find ourselves where the roads are paved with gold and the unpaved roads are evenly covered with compost consisting primarily of wet cash.

Portrait

When I am CEO of a thing, you will never see me without a business suit and a sippy cup.

Urbanity

You have to respect someone with a black light tattoo who totally does not overplay it, but waits months, maybe years until you find yourselves naturally under the revealing rays.

Procedure

You have to eat an ice sandwich quick; otherwise, you just have two soggy pieces of bread.

Grift

We would all be surprised to learn that a prestigious surgeon was taking little stuff out of his patients during operations and selling it on the fish bait black market.

Transgression

After cutting your brakes, an overexcited villain cuts your accelerator, your window controls, your radio dial, and your locks, creating a deathtrap barreling away at upwards of five miles per hour, while uncontrollably blaring adult contemporary hits. Are you brave enough to escape through the sunroof or steer the car into some sort of wall or pole?

Combat

The worst way for two unarmed guys to begin a fight with a man holding a harpoon gun is charging in a single file line.

Quantification

When someone explains that the energy of one thing could power this many houses for this many days, I always ask if he or she can convert that into something a little more tangible, like blenders per minute.

Descent

A scalding hot water pipe going down through a large hole in the middle of the floor in a fire station is going to cause some problems for transfer firefighters.

Pursuit

He threw a few hundred dollars at the taxi driver and yelled, "Follow that car!" They followed the car to the docks at breakneck speed. Then he pulled out a few more hundred bucks and pointed to another random car. What a thrill it is to be rich.

Safeguard

At the time, taking a cell phone photo of my nude body while my Social Security and ATM pin numbers were written across my torso seemed like a very bad idea. But risk is a vixen, and I am a flirt.

Career

I'm surprised but impressed that Snap, Crackle, or Pop have not let ego get the best of them and tried foolishly launching solo cereals.

Imitation

While the idea of Johnny Appleseed is romantic, any man who inspired Johnny Brazilian Wandering Spider must be a villain.

Pace

If you make new friends, but then you go to their home and find two toilets facing each other in the bathroom, take a breath and slow down.

Downfall

It would stink to be a weatherman and wake up one morning to discover you had lost your powers.

Image

The kid who drives the motorcycle to high school on the first day must hate it when the kid who hang glides to high school shows up immediately after him.

Labor

I think sending children to work in the mines is terrible, but better it be a vitamin mine than coal or something.

Photo-op

Two things local residents must be sick of having to see dumb tourists always reenacting are the famous scene from Rocky on the steps in Philadelphia, PA and the famous run from legend in Marathon, Greece.

Possibility

I bet following your dream of rising to the top of an underground dance club is even more difficult when your parents have already planned out this perfect life for you running with an underground fight club.

Yore

I miss a purer time, when St. Patrick's was about killing leprechauns, not for the gold, but for the glory.

Utopia

In a grim future, men live in packs, battling over the dwindling nut supply and worshiping Mr. Peanut as a vengeful god. I just have a hunch.

Tension

I think a good source of drama is a person being forced into choosing between married life and the life a professional paintballer, and the twist is that it is a woman.

Hindrance

If you were an experienced, daily tightrope walker, it would be annoying to get stuck behind one of those old people going across really slowly and they keep sticking their arm out and motioning for you to pass.

Ambush

This was it. The enemy had every way out blocked, but then Old Man McAlister spoke for the first time in years, "There is one more way out." We all looked up at him. He flapped his arms a few times and then hung his head. "Damn."

Alternate

But you'll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two, or maybe a pair of Siamese twin horses.

Expedition

If you sleep without pants on and really early in the morning a man with a buzz cut you have never seen before kicks your door open and yells, "No time for pants. We're going to Space!" what a day you are in for.

Appearance

Sometimes an overbite can be advantageous, like if it's cute or if you are a Hungry Hungry Hippo.